Saint James and Annie Dillard

St. James, Son of Zebedee, Apostle and Martyr

July 25, is the feast day of the Apostle James, son of Zebedee.  He and his brother John were among the first to be called by Jesus.  James, John, and Peter, were also part of Jesus’ “inner circle.”  All three were present with Jesus at his raising of Jairus’ daughter from the dead, Jesus’ Transfiguration, and at Gethsemane just before Jesus’ arrest.

Jesus nicknamed James and John, “Boanerges,” literally, “Sons of Thunder.”  And they earned that nickname.  Eventually, their devotion to Jesus, and their pride in being part of that inner circle, led them to try and gain an advantage over the other apostles.  But James’ end came too soon.  As the church after Jesus was growing, the local king, Herod, became jealous.  And so according to Acts, Herod had James executed by the sword.

Thus was the son of thunder, a privileged member of Jesus’ inner circle of friends, the first of the Twelve Apostles to die for his Lord Jesus the Christ, the only true king of this world.  I don’t believe he was surprised.  Jesus had warned James about the cup that those closest to Jesus would have to drink.  James had heard it again at Gethsemane as Jesus begged, “Abba, Father, for you all things are possible. Take this cup of suffering away from me. However—not what I want but what you want” (Mark 14:36).

I actually think that he might have thought something similar to Annie Dillard, a living writer who is an odd combination of nature lover, horror writer, and theologian.  She won the Pulitzer Prize for Pilgrim at Tinker Creek.  In it, she recounts her detailed observations of nature around her cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains, both the beauty and violence of living things.  At the end of the book, Dillard reconciles the violence and death around her with her continued adoration of the God who also gives life:

There is not a guarantee in the world.  Oh, your needs are guaranteed, your needs are absolutely guaranteed by the most stringent of warranties, in the plainest, truest word: knock; seek; ask.  But first you must read the fine print.  “Not as the world giveth, give I unto you.”…Your needs are all met, but not as the world giveth.  You see the needs of your own spirit whenever you have asked, and you have learned that the outrageous guarantee holds.  You see the creatures die, and you know that you will die.  And one day it occurs to you that must not need life…

I think that the dying pray at the last not “please” but “thank you,” as a guest thanks his host at the door.

James thought he needed power and privilege to force justice and righteousness on the world.  What he really needed was to let go and to find peace and true love in God’s good time.  May each of us strive for what we think we need, and in that striving, discover what we really need.